Fez

Fez (born August 4, 1960), portrayed by Wilmer Valderrama, is a main character on the television comedy series That '70s Show. He is the foreign exchange student in a gang of six local teenagers.

Origins
The name "Fez" is short for "foreign exchange student,"[4] despite the difference in spelling, which the series' official web site describes as "poetic license".[5] His friends know Fez's real name but consider it unpronounceable. Red usually calls him "the foreign kid," or by a random foreign name (e.g. Hadji, Anwar, Sabu, Ali Baba, Pelé, Ahmad, Stalin, Tutankhamun, etc.). He also once called him "Tarzan," but Fez objected because "Tarzan is a white guy!" Red's antipathy for Fez seems to fade with liquor, however. In the episode "Red's Last Day", Eric, Hyde and Fez go to a local bar to find Red, who drunkenly exclaims, "Hey, the gang's all here! How you doin' Fez?" to which an astounded Fez replies, "Oh my God, he knows my name!" In the episode "Sunday, Bloody Sunday", Eric's grandmother calls him "Desi," a reference to famous 20th century entertainer Desi Arnez, whose famous role was as Ricky Ricardo on the popular sitcom "I Love Lucy," for whom Fez does an impressive impression of.

A flashback episode shows when Fez first meets the others. They rescue him from a janitor's closet where several bullies had hung him on a coat hook. The bullies had asked him if he wanted to hang out; he tells the gang he "shouldn't have said yes." Moments later he states his real name, which is drowned out by a long, ringing school bell. Hyde says "OK, I'm not gonna remember that" in which Kelso replies "I know! We'll call him Captain Poo-face." (What Valderrama was actually saying was the first names of the main actors who appear in the show.) The only known fact about his name is, as he states in the episode "Killer Queen", the first five K's of his last name are silent.

Fez's homeland
His secret country of origin is one of the longest running gags on the show. In an interview, Wilmer said he created an accent so no one would know what country he is from. Many theories about Fez's homeland have been produced by fans of the show, but since there is no answer that the creators can provide, it will not be known if these are true.

In multiple episodes, he tells the rest of the group his home country is an island. He once talked about how he would study in America so he could become a dictator in his homeland, "The beautiful island of ..." but he's cut off before he can finish the sentence. One episode has Fez pointing out his island on a wall map. However, the audience's view is blocked by someone's head. Fez states in one episode that he is from the opposite side of the world. In the episode "Love of My Life," Fez states he is going back to Brazil, but then adds that he is only going there to take a plane to his country. When Hyde finally asks him and a friend from his home country "Where the hell are you guys from?", his friend says that the name depends on whether you ask the British or the Dutch -- however, the English won't say it because they hate the island, and "no one understands what the Dutch say", as Fez explains. The friend has a heavy English accent. Fez's explanation to this is that his friend is from the west side of the island.

Fez once claimed his country has never fought a war. In another episode, however, he alludes to the fact that his country "won the war" against Britain. He once said that his forefathers were not Mayan. He also claims that his country has "more lizards than people." In the episode "Hot Dog," Fez remarks that his people "eat bugs." He has also referred to having a sister who lives in the jungle 10,000 miles from Wisconsin in "Surprise, Surprise". In one episode, when the gang is playing in his room (which looked like a room for a little kid), Jackie and Hyde are seen playing with a couple of large stuffed pandas, one of which Fez says is a present from his cousin who lives in Hong Kong. During a ski trip with friends, he marvels at the sight of snow, claiming he had never seen any before then.

Fez's native language is also a mystery. In the episode "Immigrant Song," Fez retells his catch phrase ("I said good day!") in his native tongue, which sounds like gibberish. "Mukatot" is his language's word for foot, as revealed in "The Pill". Fez reveals during a job interview that one of his special skills is that he can speak Dutch. He has also been shown to speak Spanish, such as when he sings a Spanish love song, Besame Mucho, to Jackie (he also says they were the lyrics to his school song, although this was most likely a lie).

In the episode "Leaving Home Ain't Easy," he says that his harsh words towards Jackie were the result of his "Jamaican fire," only to clarify to Hyde that "Jamaican Fire" was the cologne he was wearing. In another episode he alludes to his "Latin pride," leading Red to believe he is Latino. Fez retorts, "No, only my pride is, and I have a Swiss sense of frugality."

Fez's relationship with Jackie
In the first half of the series, Fez painfully longed for Jackie, worshiping her like a queen. Jackie either failed to realize her love for him or didn't act upon it because he was foreign, and therefore way below her standards. They did share a kiss in one episode when he mistakenly thought Jackie was opening up to him. Jackie began to return the kiss, for she was most likely expecting one from Kelso, her boyfriend, before pulling away and noticing it was Fez, Kelso promptly responded by punching him in the face. They shared another kiss when pretending to be dating to help Jackie keep her job. Jackie revealed to Donna that she thought he was a good kisser. Jackie has shown a small interest in Fez including the time when he wowed her with his dancing moves at a disco and when he helped her win at a roller disco contest. Jackie became too inebriated to celebrate her win and hit on Fez. After battling with his light and dark side (shown as two shrunken Fezes on each of his shoulders dressed as Batman and The Riddler,) he decided to be a gentleman and not take advantage of her. The two did go on a "garden date" when Jackie broke up with Kelso, but Fez was let down when he realized that Jackie had not yet gotten over Kelso. He was also disgusted that she was gorging herself with food and constantly asking about Kelso. At the end of the episode when she got back with Kelso she agreed with Fez about becoming friends and that they should kiss on it. Jackie was about to kiss Fez on the cheek but he moved away and kissed her on the lips again, making Kelso chase after him.

Fez's last real attempt to win Jackie over was in the episode "Ice Shack". Fez carefully planned for Kelso to look bad in front of Jackie so that she would realize that he was the man for her. However, his plan backfired and Jackie easily chose Kelso over him. This caused his obsession over her to wane over the next few years. In season eight, Jackie moved in with him after Kelso left for Chicago, adding a new dynamic to their relationship. After the two moved in together, Jackie began to develop feelings for Fez, and eventually told him about how she felt with a kiss. However, Fez refused her advances, saying that she had already dated Kelso and Hyde and did not want to be her "sloppy thirds."

After being turned down by Fez, Jackie decided to get revenge. She flushed his toothbrush, microwaved his lotion, and ruined his car with graffiti and in an attempt to get back at Jackie, Fez dyed her hair green. He later said that she was now ugly on the outside like she was on the inside. Hurt by Fez's words, Jackie decided to move out. Realizing she wanted to be with him they later got together.

Fez's interests and other relationships
Besides his love for candy, pornography, beer, and masturbation, others have been:

Fez seems to have the best friendships with both Hyde and Kelso. He and Hyde both joke around like stealing Kelso's cop car, and he and Kelso have similar traits such as flirting with women. Fez's childish personality is a lot like Kelso's stupidity, causing Hyde to act as an older brother for Fez.

"Big Rhonda," a heavyset girl with whom Fez was constantly attempting to lose his virginity. One of his catch phrases was, "I'm going to do iittt" or alternatively. "We're going to do iittt." Fez consulted Kelso's brother, Casey, to help Fez get past second base with Rhonda, and Casey told him to "skip second and go right to third." Seeming like a brilliant plan to Fez, he proceeded with it and wound up getting dumped by an angry Rhonda.

Fez once mentioned an intense love for the book Superfudge, which he claimed to read once a month (even though the book was first published in 1980).

Another short relationship he had was with a girl from school named Caroline (Allison Munn), whom Donna had set up with Fez. They shared a few love-filled months together until Fez realized that Caroline was obsessed with him and also mentally unstable. Others realized she was nuts before he did, and he didn't listen at first. She revealed to Hyde that in order to simulate the pain of him leaving her, she would choke herself into unconsciousness. She snapped on Donna and Jackie after Jackie revealed the she kissed Fez once, but it was nothing and his crush on her sparked it. Caroline told the two if they ever touched Fez, she would kill them. While Fez and Caroline were kissing, Donna and Jackie each placed a hand on Fez's leg (in an obviously friendly fashion), causing her to snap and scream at them. Fez then broke up with her, lying that he and Donna were in love so as not to make Caroline think he ended the relationship because she was crazy. Fez convinced Donna (after Eric's nonchalant approval) to act like they were dating while Caroline stalked them. At a theater, however, Donna got tired of the charade and told Caroline the truth: That Fez doesn't like her. She accepted this fact (surprisingly, considering said obsessiveness) and left. Caroline later returned during the eighth season intent on winning Fez back. She snapped on Fez again after finding out that Jackie was his roommate and that he inadvertently had naked pictures of Donna.

At one point, Fez had a sex dream where Kelso gave him a sponge bath, which lead into him almost being embarrassed by his schoolmate, and in another one, he felt an attraction to Kelso without his shirt leading Kelso to think he himself is gay.

Fez often spoke fondly of Donna, though there is no evidence of feelings for her deeper than sexual attraction. He repeatedly hid in her closet and on another occasion took photos of her in her schoolgirl outfit. By season eight it became clear that Fez' attraction for Donna was purely admiration of her beauty and nothing more.

Eventually, Fez got a job at the DMV where he seduced his co-worker Nina (Joanna Canton). The two had sex, finally ending Fez's agonizing life as a virgin (and ironically making him the last one in the group to do so). But, as Fez recounted, it was not a magical moment; there was no soft music "like in the movies so I had to hum" - Nina had asked Fez to stop humming but he started again without realizing it. There were then some sounds that "were certainly not applause." The night ended with him sneaking out of Nina's bathroom window, but he forgot his underwear on the floor. Nina did give Fez a second chance but it didn't work. He eventually proved too needy for her, and while he proved he was able to conquer this, he decided not to do it anyway and claimed "there is only one Fez, and that is a Fez with needs."

Near the end of the fifth season, Fez was arrested for vandalism of the town's water tower and came close to being deported back to his native country. But at the last moment, Laurie Forman slept with Fez and subsequently married him so he could stay in America. Red suffered a heart attack upon learning this. Their marriage was clearly not one of love, as Laurie went on their honeymoon to Cancún with someone else. After Laurie's disappearance, Fez stopped mentioning he was married and was referred to as being married only once, by Kelso.

In season seven, Fez said that he has a love for hair and took a job as a hair washer (or as he has stated, "shampoo boy") at the salon where Donna often goes. He had been proven to have a strange love of hair (the reason for taking his job) and has been touching many people's hair (two girls that slapped him across the face and one "long haired hippie" as he said). After Fez began working at the hair salon, he got considerably more female attention, and by season eight, he had been known for having one-night-stands every day of the week including one with a character named Danielle, played by Lindsay Lohan (notable because he stole her from Kelso).

Fez also had feelings for his co-worker, Hillary (Lara Everly), but this was at the same time that Jackie developed feelings for him. Although Fez playfully flirted with Hillary (telling her [in context] that he saved her a bite of his buns), she did not begin dating him until shortly before he began his brief but wild womanizing bout. She soon dumped him, but soon after he renewed his feelings for Caroline (until she attacked him and dumped him after she saw him kiss Jackie on the couch in the apartment).

Host parents
Fez began the show as living with fundamentalist "Bible-thumping" host parents, who forbade "devil's music", like Kiss. Hyde had Fez sneak rock albums into their house that were hidden in Pat Boone record jackets. Fez stated on one occasion that his host parents refused to give him an allowance because he was a pagan. He has also lived with host parents named the Erdmans. His host-mother was named Rebecca, and was presumably a mute. The Erdmans only appeared in one episode throughout the show's run. In the seventh season, Fez's host parents realized that he had graduated from high school a year earlier and kicked him out of their house. Fez was forced to get an apartment with Kelso. When Kelso moved to Chicago to be near his baby daughter Betsy, Jackie moved in with Fez.

Personality
Fez is both kind and naive, but sometimes he can get very mean and jealous. Fans sometimes consider him metrosexual due to some of his hobbies and accent. He is often picked on by the local bullies, which he is bitter about. Fez is also very perverted; he frequently sleeps and spends time in Donna's closet (to her knowledge) and also references spying on Jackie and Donna (sometimes from a tree). This obviously leads to Fez's constant sexual yearnings and frequent masturbating. Eric once called him "a sick bastard." Fez is also quite goofy and charming, as Donna once said. Throughout a range of episodes, Fez, along with other characters, have labeled Fez as "suave and silky". Fez has a very strong love for candy, usually spending most of his American money on it. When being forced to pay Hyde $80, he had instead spent the money on candy. In the beginning of season 7, after Eric and Donna decided not to talk about their relationship, Fez is excited to talk about cocoa butter, claiming that it "doesn't taste like cocoa or butter". In one episode, Kelso takes Fez to the Piggly Wiggly to pick up girls, but Fez is more excited about going there to buy candy. In the season 5 finale, as Fez gets ready to leave America, he is excited to spend his last ever American money on candy and pornography. I said "candy and porno"